the cultural divide.  it's a big topic with my mom.  and i never enjoy these talks but they always mildly infuriate me. yes... just mildly.

my mom is a mainlander.  she immigrated to Canada over 30 years ago, so she's nothing like the mainlanders of today.  but she's very Chinese.  let's say, Cultural Revolution style Chinese.

my dad is Chinese-Hispanic.  his parents immigrated to South America over 60 years ago.  so although my dad is ethnic Chinese, he speaks Espanol as a first language.  and being a child of immigrants from pre-cultural revolution times, my dad is like Imperialist style Chinese, mashed up with poor Peruvian style upbringing.

i am Canadian.  i should probably say Chinese-Canadian but i prefer to drop the Chinese part.  i'm not ashamed of my ethnicity.  in fact, i have a wider breadth of knowledge when it comes to Chinese culture than most of my CBC (Canadian-born Chinese) peers and speak Cantonese almost well enough to pass as Chinese educated (too bad I'm illiterate).  but let's not kid ourselves here.  no matter what level of cultural knowledge i possess, i am indisputably Canadian in my way of thinking and my views on life, the universe and everything.

as a result, every so often, i have this "discussions" (re: arguments) with my mother.  my mother has these odd tendencies.  depending on the subject, her mood, or whatever the heck she's been smoking, she swings from giving people too much credit, to no credit at all.  there's no in between.  so, when we were discussing some unconventional behaviour exhibited by a mainlander grad student (unconventional by Cultural Revolution Chinese standards), we didn't quite see eye-to-eye (re: we argued).

my mom's opinion on the matter is "He behaves like that because of Western influence.  Chinese kids don't act like that."  this kid is as mainland as they come.  from the day i first met him, i did not feel as though he behaved as a typical Westerner.  and every day that i've known him since has only proved to me that he is as Chinese as they come.  but in my mom's eyes, his disregard for family obligations and responsibilities, his lack of respect for his father, and his burning desire for complete and total independence is a result of Western influence.  it has nothing to do with living under the confines of a tight Communist regime.  it has nothing to do with the child indulgence that is systemic of the one-child policy.  it's because Western people are selfish hedonists who care nothing for family.  right.

i probably should not have gotten into it with her because i know there's nothing i can say to change her opinion.  but honestly.... everytime she starts on this, i'm pretty damned offended.  White people (and i use that term endearingly) are no less family oriented that yellow people, brown people, black people, or whatever colour people.  i don't believe that there is any culture in the world that says, "if your elders get sick, just shun them until they die.  after they die, show up at the funneral, cry a river and say how much you will miss them.  milk your boss for a week of bereavement and then resume life as usual."  but if this is your culture's view on life, please feel free to correct me.  so when this Mainlander expressed this as his opinion, it annoyed me that my mom's immediate response was "this is a result of Western influence."

seriously... you're kidding me, right?  i look at the Mainlanders of today... the ones in their 20s and 30s and all i can say is i don't know *any* Western raised kids (Chinese or otherwise) like that.  part of it is a result of my demographic (urban dweller, work-class upbringing, university educated, professional level employment).  so i don't know too many people who hold this view... or who would openly admit it to holding this view (because they *know* it's wrong).  however, most Mainlanders in their 20s and 30s (from Guangdong province specifically) have no problem openly admitting to this opinion.  the funny thing is, villagers aren't like this.  it's mostly just urban dwellers who are university educated *in* China.  those who studied abroad as children or as university undergradute students, oddly enough, are not like that.  and my mom has encountered this same pattern.  and yet, her immediate response was "this is a result of Western influence."

when i try to explain to her that it's not "White people's" fault that Chinese kids today are so f*ed up, she gets offended and say crap like, "you're not White, you know?"  to which i roll my eyes and respond in a perfect fob accent, "you are light [right]. i am CHI-nese."  Canada is a nation of immigrants.  and we don't do things melting-pot style like in the US (okay... we do melting-pot assimilation it in Alberta, but the rest of the country does not).  you become Canadian by learning how we do things here, while retaining your own customs and religion, and integrating all those things together.  there are opinions regarding which model is better but that's not an issue for this post.  as a result of this tossed salad society, i am familiar with the customs of many cultures... although i am most particularly familiar with Chinese culture and mainstream Canadian culture.  it's true that mainstream Canadian culture is a lot more liberal than most (if not all) Asian cultures... and we're even more liberal than Americans.  BUT... that doesn't mean we're a bunch of self-indulgent, irresponsible hedonists.  sure there are people who don't respect or show reverence to their parents, but that's not a pillar of Canadian society.  it's not exactly encouraged.  Canadian society has a lot of Christian teachings embedded in it (even the atheists follow these ones) such as love thy neighbour as thyself, and honour thy father and mother.  our society teaches ethics, fairness and common good.

my mother (of course) disagreed and said it was Western corruption of the Chinese ideal that created young adults like this.  and so i said this.  if my kid, from watching movies about old-skool American movies, believed that being Black meant listening to rap music and being a thug, that does not mean that Black culture has corrupted the Chinese ideal.  all it means is that my kid is an ignant punk, who didn't bother to learn what Black culture really means and treated it like a buffet to validate his/her own unacceptable behaviour.  same thing if they learned about Hitler and decided to pick up Nazi beliefs.  it's not that they truly understand German culture (no, i'm not saying all Germans are Nazis).  they just picked out whatever they wanted.  and that's the kid's fault (or maybe i was a bad parent).  it's not the fault of Black people or Germans.

so yeah... now my mom's not talking to me.

i should probably stop claiming that i always finish what i start.  i have maybe half a dozen started blogs, none of which are ready to be published... and at the rate i'm going, might never be published.

in other news... there have been some changes to the holiday plans.  i was originally planning to take a drive out to the east coast of Canada to attend my cousin's convocation at Dalhousie.  unfortunately, it's looking like his thesis will not be completed in time for fall convocation and the schedule coordination thing isn't working out too well with all the people who would be going on this trip.

so i find myself in the middle of July with 4 weeks of holiday that i need to burn.  i have to burn at least 3 of those weeks.  the last week can carry over to next year.  i think the system doesn't stop me from carrying it all over, but officially, i can only carry one.  any more and i'm supposed to get manager consent.  but my manager is an asshole so i don't want to bother with that.

consequently, i've started trying to piece together 3 weeks worth of holidays.  and i started with an extended long weekend trip to NYC (cuz i'm over due.... i usually go several times a year.  last year, i didn't go at all... and it's already July and i haven't gone yet this year either).

i will need to leave a week for a trip to California/Nevada in December (hopefully there will be snow in Tahoe so i can go snowboarding).

which leaves me with a few other days to kick around... and a week where i'm debating between Florida, Costa Rica, or Sint Maraten.  i was leaning towards Costa Rica but i can't seem to find a decent price for flights (decent = within my budget).  so i'm leaning towards Florida just because flights are more wallet-friendly.  too bad the Habs don't have any games in Florida in September or October.

*sigh* decisions decision.

I never thought highly of Now magazine. After all, it is a 100% ad-sponsored paper that is even lower calibre than the Toronto Sun.  The journalism is shoddy at best. These are the same people who reported that my deadbeat was a “philanthropist.” Uhm, yeah… being philanthropic with money that wasn’t his (it was *mine*!!). Great research, people.

Anyways, they’re on the social media bandwagon and they’ve been getting in a little Tweet-o-war with the Toronto Police Service -- particularly in light of that wonderful festival we call G20.

I’ve never been a huge fan of police (I’m partial to firemen) but I can’t even count the number of times this idiotic article hit a branch as it fell off the stupid tree.

Twitterveillance

The issue they’ve taken up to shaking in this “news” (I use this term loosely) article is that the Toronto Police are now using their Twitter account. Here’s Now’s particular gem of insight:

The Toronto Police should be above spying on the population via Twitter.

I’m sorry, what?! Did you just say the Toronto Police shouldn’t be looking at a public feed to monitor suspicious behaviour? That’s like saying beat cops shouldn't be walking the beat with their eyes and ears open. Why did this statement not even register as ludicrous?

Scanning Twitter is not akin to tapping phone lines or intercepting mail. It’s not an invasion of privacy. Every single person who is on Twitter knows that if they have an unlocked feed, they are BROADCASTING publicly for anyone and everyone to read, law enforcement included. I think it would be incredibly stupid if the police *weren’t* on it monitoring for gloating criminal minds who believe that Twitter is somehow off limits. If a drug dealer publicly tweets the location of a big drug deal it’s the same as if they scrawled it on a poster stuck to a lamp post. So I don’t care if the police read it off Twitter or the lamp post, I expect them to follow up on the lead.

If the police had recording devices planted in your house without a warrant, I would completely agree that it's an invasion of privacy. You have a certain level of expectation for privacy when you’re in there. But if you open the drapes, you *know* people will see you. So if you parade around naked in front of the window, are you going to tell me that people walking by on the street who happen to see you are “spying” perverts? You’re the idiot who opened the drapes to begin with! So the police aren't “spying” minions of Big Brother by monitoring Twitter. You’re the idiot who tweeted for the world (including the police) to read.

Either smarten up, or accept the consequences. You can be as public or private as you want on the Internet. No one “made” you tweet it.

generally, i hate bringing dates to weddings.  i think it's just because i checked out of the dating scene after my tenure with the deadbeat.  i just haven't really felt like getting back into the swing of things.  i tried and ended up with had a string of nightmare dates which lead me to just wash my hands of it all.  and then, of course, yesterday i figured out the "perfect" guy i  regularly daydream about.. yeah.. he's gay.  that's probably why he always seems so perfect.

so... i have this wedding where i'm one of the two maids of honour (yeah... this is the wedding i blogged about previously).  i'm supposed to rsvp by July 11th.. not because they're wondering whether or not i'm coming.. but rather they want to know if i'm bringing a date, and do i/we want beef, chicken or vegetarian.  decisions decisions.

i could just ask any random guy friend, but being that i'm in the wedding party, if i don't pick someone who kinda knows other guests, he'll just be sitting there all by himself.. like a stooge.  i did that to my buddy, CarBoy, once already (for the record, we're just friends).  he was a really good sport about it, but he made it pretty clear he didn't enjoy it.  i'm not asking him though because he got his own invite so he's going to bring his own date.  that way, he's not sitting there like a stooge again.

i've gone through my list of guy friends and there isn't anyone i would even remotely consider bringing.  then i went through the list of potential "date-like" options (i.e. we've gone out on a date here and there, but we're not dating and we're not friends) but that's just so awkward and uncomfortable.  i'm likely gonna attend alone, but this is one of those weddings where people are gonna bug me and just get on my case about not having someone.  you know.. the kind of people who are deaf to the "i'm happy being single" sentiment.  it's why many single girls are driven to behave like Erica in that episode of Being Erica in season 1 where Ethan poses as her fake boyfriend at her high school reunion.  but i'm stronger than that, so i won't ask anyone to pretend.

note to single friends.  i love you.  i really do.  but if any more of you plan on getting married anytime soon... do me a favour... DON'T INVITE ME TO YOUR WEDDING!  seriously... i'm sick of weddings.  just let me know that it's happening and i'll send a gift.  stop asking me to be in it.  stop asking me to attend.  no more bridal showers.  no more stagettes.  no more friggin Jack and Jills.  just stop.  when i was a 15-year old girl, i dreamed about attending weddings.  in my ripe old age of *insert number here* weddings are now my NIGHTMARE!  so please... no more... okay?  just... enough already.  in the last 3 years i've attended more than 15 weddings and been invited to over 20 (it might be over 25 but i lost track).  and i wasn't someone's date at any of these.  i was the invited guest for *all* these weddings.  and where i could, i attended.  i participated.  i was happy for the couple.  but gawddamn... i'm *SICK* of it!!!  the only exception i'll make is if you're having a traditional ethnic wedding that i've never seen before (so if you're Hindu, Viet Buhddist, Chinese or Italian, i'm out.  oh yeah... and any conventional mangicake/Canadian/western weddings.. i'm out on these too).

i promise you, if i ever (for some reason) decide to get married, if i have my way, there will not be a wedding.  it'll be 15 minutes at city hall (okay... so maybe there will be a 1-hour church wedding, because after all, i am Catholic) and we'll be done with it.  i might wear a dress.  it might be white.  or i might just wear jeans and a Care Bear t-shirt.  and for "reception" i'll buy a round of lattes at Starbucks for everyone who attended.

or maybe my parents will kill me before the wedding for even proposing this idea.  but regardless, that's definitely how i'm feeling about weddings these days....

date or no date?  phht!  i'll decide tomorrow.  but it's most likely a no.

You failed my city.
You failed the global economy.
You failed those who are battling climate change.
You failed all those championing other signficant world issues.
You failed me -  a Canadian.

That’s all I have to say.

I’m saying this to Stephen Harper, a prime minister who doesn’t understand his role (yah… we don’t have a president for a reason, jackass). All of this rioting, the security costs, interruption of daily life, and emotional/psychological damage was unnecessary and could’ve been avoided had you listened to the people of Toronto. When we told you where this should be held, you should’ve listened. But of course you didn’t. You didn’t care. You wanted to eat at the Royal York. So everyone else be damned. Kinda like we told you not to prorogue parliament… AGAIN… but you wanted to go to the Olympics… So fuck the nation. Close up the House of Commons, put on a Canada jacket and hoof on over to Vancouver. Toronto never voted for you. So you did this to us. But just remember… Toronto WILL never vote for you… or your fucked up party (which is NOT the Progressive Conservative party that garnered the respect of Canadians).

I’m saying this to the Black Bloc who claimed to be doing this for the people, battling big bad corporate. You took attention away from the important issues. You destroyed property an incurred negligible impact on the big bad corporate you claim to fight. Senseless AND low(no)-impact. You thrust innocent protesters into the crossfire between you and police as they tried to contain your malicious, senseless acts. YOU are the reason legitimate protestors were corralled and held in the pouring rain for four hours. And to what end? What did you accomplish? Other than incur the hate of a city? All you did was make Toronto/Canada look bad. Did anyone hear your “issues?” No. Because people were too appalled and shocked at the sight of flaming police cruisers.

I’m saying this to the protestors that did not condemn the actions of the Black Bloc. You spineless, worthless, cowards. Either stand up for what you believe in and do so proudly and peacefully, or shut the fuck up. If you’re gonna hide behind Black Bloc vigilantes, then I have NO SYMPATHY for your cause.

I’m saying this to Dalton McGuinty, a spineless premier. If you wanted to do this right, you would’ve broadly communicated to the people of Toronto that you had changed the law for 3 days. I don’t disagree with the change. I think it was necessary. And thanks to the Black Bloc, it’s now justified. But would it really have hurt you so badly to have just sent us an FYI? Even passing it “secretively” doesn’t bother me all that much. What bothers me is that you didn’t tell anyone and then started “arresting” people.

I’m saying this to the media. You, who should’ve covered this properly; who should’ve ensure that Torontonians, Canadians, and the world knew what was happening; who should’ve been professional and unbiased; FAILED because all you did was feed the system with tabloid style sensationalism. Inane tweets about police “brutality” and playing the blame game between protestors and police all clogged up the twitosphere and distorted the story of what was actually happening. Have reporting/journalism become so foreign to you that you’ve downgraded yourself to behaving like citizen journalists? I expect that sort of stuff from Joe Shmoe who isn’t a journalist for a major media corp. But you work for CTV, or TVO, or NatPo. So what the hell was that? Oh yeah.. and Jonathan Kay at NatPo… Toronto being sensitive to violence is not a bad thing. I dread the day when Toronto becomes a place where any violent riot of any size is considered par for the course. So Toronto’s not “wimpy” as you call it. Toronto’s just above that. And by the way, I’m from Montreal and am a HUGE Habs fan, so I know what a city desensitized to rioting looks like. I love Montreal, but shit, around playoff time, on a game day, it can be friggin’ scary. And it’s NOT okay for that sort of thing to be going on… no matter what. G20 or Habs winning the Lord Stanley’s cup. VIOLENCE SHOULD NEVER BE TOLERATED! (side note:  I don't disagree with everything Jonathan Kay said.  In fact, there's a lot I do agree with... but calling Toronto wimpy... I completely disagree with that).

When I saw the footage of the burning police cruiser, and the rows of police in full riot gear, I not only despaired, I was enraged. My beautiful city, of culture and art and food and music, reduced to a war zone of tear gas, smashed storefronts, and burning law enforcement vehicles. And for what? For 20 heads of state and their lackeys to eat at Royal York and walk out of a meeting where they decided on essentially NOTHING!? Seriously?! $1.xxx billion dollars so that they could have dinner at the Royal York?

Thank you World, for saying, “It’s not as severe as the Seattle one or the Quebec City one because no one died.” Is that how you gage it? It’s only significant if someone DIES?! So you’re telling me if people riot and loot and burn all of Berlin or Seoul or Paris to the ground, as long as no one dies, it’s okay? Alright. I’ll keep that in mind.

This event should’ve been held at Exhibition Place for the sole reason of it being a place that’s easy to secure. Downsview Park would have been another option. The designated protest area could’ve been near either of those venues. Everything could’ve been self-contained. Less available targets for violence/vandalism. Less intrusive on the daily life of Torontonians. Less money to spend on security. But that’s a little too much logic, right? Or Toronto just shouldn’t be so damned wimpy, right? Just suck it up. It’s only a bit of broken glass.

source:  http://www.nationalpost.com/3211324.bin?size=220x165

On so many levels, this summit failed.  One of the major reasons it failed... does anyone even really know what was discussed?  Were there any significant outcomes?  Nope.  Just news about everything *around* the summit... not much *about* the summit.  And aside from all the other things I've cited, this fact is probably the worst of all.  All that money, all that chaos... and nothing to show for it.  Thanks, Stephen Harper.  Great call.

I’m lucky enough (or maybe just picky enough) that I have never actually been dumped. I’ve had mutual parting of ways, but I’ve never been outright dumped. Each time a relationship ended, either I instigated it, or we sat down to discuss and came to the same conclusion.

But yesterday, I think I experienced the closest thing to being dumped. Without any warning, the Habs brass wrested the playoff hero (fans’ choice for MVP) from my heart (and the hearts of Hab fans all over) and THREW HIM AWAY for two NOBODIES!! I was *soooooooooo* angry! I was *soooooooooooooo* hurt. If you follow me on Twitter, you would’ve seen my non-stop scream-tweeting for HOURS. I might even have lost a few followers because of that (but it’s okay because I don’t care about that).

I know this is all just NHL business. And as much as I wanted to believe that the Habs would keep both Price and Halak, deep in my heart, I knew they wouldn’t. It’s not good for business. Money is an issue. And keeping two young starter goalies isn’t the greatest idea… even though they both wanted to play for Montreal.

So it’s not just the actual trade that bothers me. I mean, yes, I’m very VERY pissed that all we got were two of last year’s draft picks that have barely seen NHL ice time. I’m not saying they aren’t good (cuz I just don’t know), but they’re trading away THE PLAYOFF HERO for these two nobodies. This… is… just… so…. UNFREAKINGBELIEVABLE!

But that’s not all. Not only did they basically give Halak away, they didn’t even have the courtesy to talk to him. They didn’t care that he WANTED to stay with the Habs. They didn’t even ask him. Even if they had no intention of keeping him, would it really have been too much for them to at least go through the motions… letting Halak know their dilemma, their plans, and give him a chance to say something? He’s not just some tolerable player in the Habs stall. DID ANY OF YOU EVEN WATCH THE PLAYOFFS?! It’s a very small concession to pay to someone who MADE THE FANS BELIEVE! It’s true that I love my Habs no matter what, but I had written them off after watching them scrounge their way into the playoffs with that crappy over-time loss to the Leafs. I pegged them at “gone in 5” against the Caps. It was Halak who saved them; Halak who brought the fans back to the game; Halak who made Olé ring out so loud and true for the weeks that followed. Halak did this for us… for the Habs… for the love of hockey. And THIS is how the Habs management team thanks him?! IT’S A TRAVESTY!!!

From a business/performance perspective, maybe this was a great move. Who knows. Getting two ultra young nobodies means no one will know whether or not this was worth it until much later. I understand that Halak was in a position to ask for more money than the Habs were willing to pay, and I understand that there’s apparently a pretty saturated supply of unrestricted free agent goalies this round. So sure, maybe it’s best to unload Halak now. But coming off a Cinderella run when the fans absolutely adore him… to just toss him off like that… It seriously does not sit well with me. Maybe I’m too emo to ever manage an NHL hockey team, but I don’t think it’s really hard (or unreasonable) to extend a bit of courtesy to someone who has been so important in turning the team around.

Just so that there’s no misunderstanding. I’m not against Carey Price. But I know my town. I know the fans. And with all of this shit going down, Carey’s going to be in for the toughest round of hockey he’s ever played… and the worst part is, it’ll be tough for him at HOME games. The fans had already taken to booing him last season. People had said the golden boy had lost his luster and they wanted to run him out of town. So now that the brass have so callously disposed of Halak – the beloved hero – in support of Price, the fans are going to be out for blood. ESPECIALLY because Montreal is all about having the star goalie. That’s our legacy. I fear for Price because I think the pressure of meeting/exceeding Halak’s post-season run, compounded with mildly deranged Hab fans, might break him.

This entire situation is just so awful. It’s definitely been mismanaged. There was a way to do this trade without incurring this much backlash. But I guess Pierre Gauthier doesn’t care about that. It’s just good business, right?

Jaro, Montreal will miss you terribly.
And if I come to a St. Louis game, I will come with my Halak shirt for you to autograph.

source:  http://www.reuters.com/resources/r/?m=02&d=20100404&t=2&i=86423011&w=460&r=2010-04-04T023721Z_01_BTRE63307AD00_RTROPTP_0_NHL

Addendum: by saying Halak was the playoff hero, I'm not discounting all the other heros we had.  In terms of game play, the whole team pulled through, and particularly stars like Cammalleri and Gill.  But turning the fans around... inspiring them to believe in Le Tricolore again... that was mostly Halak.

how great would it be if i could just always say exactly what is on my mind?  the problem is, without a filter, i can be.... you know... a little bit... i dunno... offensive.  i know, it's just *so hard* to believe!

source: http://i.zdnet.com/blogs/coffee_filters.jpg

http://www.ducttapemarketing.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/twitter-logo.jpg

since i can't very well go around expressing my offensive thoughts aloud, i rely on my beloved blog to assist me. i've been relying most heavily on Twitter these days because i've been limiting my thoughts to 140 characters, but sometimes, 140 characters just doesn't capture the wittiness of my offensiveness.

so, here you have it, the email that i will not send to the wedding party (because it's clearly not socially acceptable to send this kind of stuff).  i wasn't even going to write it because that jerk just isn't worth it, but why should i suppress my literary inspiration?  why should i not share with the world some of my art?  i should not be so selfish as to keep this majestic literary masterpiece to myself.  or at the very least, i should write it out so that every so often, i can re-read it for my own amusement. 

To: The Bridal Party
Subject: The Reception

Hello other maid of honour and two best men (because we wouldn't want anyone to have a different rank of any sort... we don't like titles),

I met up with the happy couple yesterday and got a strip torn off of me about this. I’m still not quite sure why I was singled out, but hey, that’s what good friends are for.  Besides, since we're all equal and no one has any title, I'm gonna have to chalk it up to the fact that it was just because I was there.  I'm sure if it were any one of you instead of me, it would've been exactly the same.

Apparently I was supposed to miraculously know that I was to solicit the group for input/feedback on the reception schedule. I guess they didn’t realize I lost all my mind reading skills after university. But that’s my fault.  I should've kept practicing those.  So, I needed them to inform me of this need for input/feedback and they did so the night before I met up with them.  But of course I deserved to get reamed out by the groom-to-be, because only getting the memo the night before is no excuse.  I should’ve used company time, when my employer pays me to do work, to shake down my fellow wedding party mates for their input on this incredibly important wedding.

I was more than happy to let the groomzilla rant at me because I like having people talk to me in a condescending, patronizing tone. Especially when they repeatedly say to me in that talking-to-a-four-year-old tone, "You're losing perspective of what's important here."  That’s why I took a job where they pay me to be treated that way. I love it so much that of course I’d let my best friend’s control-freak fiancé speak to me that way for free. It brings me such great joy to know that I am making someone else life just that much more satisfying.

Erroneously, I had said that I would accept that task for which I was being voluntold to which I was then angrily corrected – “You’re not being voluntold. You volunteered!” Now, I don’t quite remember when I volunteered but our beloved groom-to-be can’t possibly be wrong, so again, this must be my fault.

The following details were also CLEARLY expounded to me during our dinner meeting yesterday. And you know, when you bellow it out at the top of your lungs so that other restaurant patrons look over to see what’s wrong, OBVIOUSLY that makes what you’re saying all the more correct and true.

Caveat to remember

It’s not about what the bride and groom want – because they don’t want to tell anyone what to do

My to do list

1. Do not to tell anyone what to do
2. Gather feedback from everyone – but don’t tell them what to do
3. Find out who wants to do what – but don’t tell them what to do
4. Make sure no one tries to tell anyone else what to do – but don’t tell them what to do

Questions for which answers are being sought

1. How many games do you want to have – but they can't involve telling other people what to do
2. Who wants to do a speech – because the bride and groom aren’t going to tell you what to do
3. How long is your speech going to be – because no one is going to tell you how long or short it has to be
4. Is this schedule okay with you (see attached Excel sheet) – because this is just a draft and the bride and groom don’t want to limit or restrict anyone, so it can all change.

If you have any other suggestions or ideas, please feel free to share, but make sure it doesn’t sound remotely like you’re trying to tell someone else what to do. I could be wrong, but I’m getting the faint hint that sounding like you might be telling other people what to do is slightly frowned upon.

For the record, I did not try to tell anybody what to do.  I thought I had followed the request (which was to provide my input), but apparently providing my input is equated to giving instructions.  Since I haven't mastered the art of communicating with the groom (I've been slacking off and haven't been attending GSL classes - Groomzillaese as a Second Language), I'd like to ask if someone else would like to volunteer as the liason between him and us (the maids of honour and best men).  You don't have to, because I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do.  I just think that if someone else is better suited and *wants* to do it, they shouldn't feel restricted from doing so.  I will gladly let anyone else take this initiative and run with it - especially since none of us are in charge, least of all me.

I look forward to hearing from you soon - but you don't have to reply back soon if you don't want to.  I'm not trying to tell you what to do.

~cokeaddict,
other maid of honour

as i temper myself from my last post i must admit that Scott is right.  maybe i waxed a little too much.  we're a brutal bunch.  i can honestly say that *i* would NEVER boo a Hab, but i'd be lying if i said i never saw other people do it.

that being said, i truly believe the Habs MUST re-sign both Halak and Price.  if people would just back off of Price and give him a little space, he will sparkle and shine like the star he's destined to be.  look at Halak.  everyone was so focused on trashing Price that no one bothered to even look twice at Halak.  left alone to grow and develop, he came back from the Olympics a STAR!  if everyone would just leave Price be for a bit, he will develop and shine like that too (maybe more, maybe less... only time will tell).

the one thing i will say though... as tough as it is to play for the Habs, there's nothing else like it in the NHL.  sure, there's passion and love in Philly and Detroit... but Habs have the heritage that makes playing hockey for them the most demanding and most rewarding all at the same time.  it's true... Hab fans are a tough crowd.  but when the team is on fire, no one loves their team more than we do.  and *that* is a fact.  Philly's fans were loud and pumped up playing the Habs, and (according to the media) were possibly the loudest crowd out there, but if you saw Game 3 in the Bell Centre... you knew who was the loudest.  i honestly believe (you can disagree silently if you like) that had Game 5 been played at the Bell Centre, after that first goal, the Habs would've caught on fire and won that game to another glorious finish - just like game 3.  i'm *sure* of it.  it's the Hab fans that fuel the team.  if we're in the Bell Centre, with our back up against the wall... as long as we get the first goal, we're golden.  and within the first minute of play no less.  *sigh*  i'll stop dwelling on it (or at least i'll try).

so... back to the main focus.  Halak and Price must be re-signed.  both of them.  we need them.  and i don't care if everyone in the Bell Centre is set on boo-ing Price out of town... I WANT HIM TO PLAY FOR THE HABS!  he's 22 years old.  give him at least one more season (okay, maybe two) to marinade in what it means to be a Hab (pump up his confidence, remind him why he loves this game, and show him how much we love this team and *want* him to succeed IN THIS TEAM), and i'm *sure* he'll bring great success to Le Tricolore franchise.

source:  http://i.cdn.turner.com/sivault/multimedia/photo_gallery/0804/nhl.playoffs.first.round/images/mtl-bos-carey-price.jpg

... of humour

let's talk about open door games.  it's a Chinese tradition.  the short version of it is this... on the wedding day, the groom's first task of the day is come and pick up the bride at her family home.  when he arrives at the door, there is a series of games that he engages in... all designed by the bride's "sisters."  the games account for lucky Chinese numbers such as 8 or 9, but are mostly just tasks for the groom (with the aid of his "brothers") to show that he really wants to marry the bride and will endure these teasing games set out by her sisters.  it's supposed to be light and fun.  a way to set a fun tone for a day that can usually get pretty stressful.  the main thing about this tradition is that it's the sisters' opportunity to show the groom that the bride is important to them and they're not going to just let him walk in and take her away.

but some guys... just have no sense of humour.... take things too seriously... and have no trust.

and for these guys, this is what i have to say.

if you're marrying my friend, let me remind you of a couple of details:

1. you don't need my approval
   i'm serious.  you don't.  but it speak volumes to me if getting to know me, or giving me a reason to like you is not even remotely on your radar.  it's true, you don't have to care if i don't like you.  but just as an fyi... that's a two way street.
   
   
2. it's your wedding
   so we will do it your way (and the bride's way... not my way).  i have no problem with this.  but having no problem with this does not make me devoid of opinion (and anyone who even kinda knows me... knows that i'm full of those).
   

so... with that out of the way.... let's get to the specifics.

Jello is getting married.  that's great.  and i'm really happy for her because she's happy and this is what she wants.  she's my best friend, so yes want her to have whatever it is she wants.

but that doesn't mean that everything is perfect.

at the "wedding party" dinner the other night, the groom said that there would be "no time" on the wedding day for open door games.  hmmm... but the ceremony isn't until 5 pm. seeing as how open door games are first... it would just mean changing the start time.  with a 5pm ceremony... even if wedding pictures (which are schedule for before the ceremony) took 6 hours, that brings us to 11 am.  you're telling me we can't start at 10:30 to give 30 minutes for open door games?  whatever.  just be man enough to say "i don't want to play open door games."  honesty is better than blatant excuses.

besides... here's my bottom line view on this idiotic situation.  Forcing him to play even one game will ruin the experience for everyone.  knowing this, why would anyone *really* think i'd force him to play?

This wedding is all about doing things that are "your" style (you and Edward). This game don't appear to be his style, and as far as I can tell, you're indifferent about it so even though you're not against it, it's not really your style either. So it wouldn't fit in with the theme.

The main thing on my mind is this. Open door games are symbolic of the groom getting the bride's sisters' approval. It's just a gesture to show how important her happiness is to them and that they aren't going to just let him take her away without extracting some sort of promise that he will take good care of her. It's not a test of worthiness or strength. No groom has ever ended up losing the bride because he failed at the games. It's just a tradition. Just like pouring tea is a tradition to show respect for the elders.

Please don't take this as anything more than just a statement of fact (because I'm not trying to create drama, and I'm not mad or being passive aggressive or anything crazy like that). Edward has never exhibited any sign that he cares whether or not your friends approve of him. I'm not saying he needs my approval (because he doesn't), but I'd be lying if I said that I felt as though he had put in any effort to get to know me or get me to like him. On this fact alone, going through the game would be really hollow and meaningless. And I don't think tradition should be followed for the sake of tradition. It should be followed because people *want* to follow it and believe in what it symbolizes.

Honestly, ruining this game would probably the worst thing I could think of... for me. Here's the only selfish reason I have for suggesting that we just skip it. To date, at every wedding in which I've been actively involved, open door games were the best part of the wedding. They are the thing I remember most. It brings me great joy to remember all the laughing and happy faces of everyone (bride side & groom side) involved. I've never had a game bomb. I've never had anyone upset. And everyone who has been there (wedding party, close friends, family & relations) has enjoyed it. I only want happy memories of playing this game - where EVERYONE is having a good time. I've mulled over last Tuesday's dinner in my head (many times), and have come to realize that playing open door games with Edward is a *very* bad idea. No matter how tame the games, I foresee it being (at best) a waste of time or (at worst) something that ruins the tone for the day.

I don't resent any of this. I'm sure if it became an issue, the argument would be that I didn't exactly try very hard either to get to know Edward or to get him to like me. And that's probably true. So this isn't about blame or hurt feelings. I accept the situation the way it is. I just don't want tradition (or anything for that matter) to ruin your day. I'm not suggesting that there be any more discussion about it. I am strongly suggesting that we just skip it - especially since I'm the only one who's got any attachment to the game. And when it comes right down to it, it's not my wedding and it's not about me.

disclaimer #1:  be warned... this is a long, rambling hockey filled post.  it's not pretty.  it's not well crafted.  and i'm sure i overused the same phrases.  so to the grammar and style nazis, yes.  i know, this is not a "beautiful work of art" post.  just back off!

disclaimer #2:  if you're not into hockey you should probably skip this.  if you're not into emo rambling, you should definitely skip this.  and if you're a Hab hater or a Philly fan, i'm not in the mood for putting up with your shit, so i *will* delete your comments if you decide to kick me and my boys while we're down.

it's final now.  my beloved Habs were eliminated yesterday from the Stanley Cup playoffs.  i am pretty upset.  to say i'm completely crushed and heartbroken is to understate just how badly i am taking this.  but i will try to compose myself and put it into perspective.

1. the Habs were *never* expected to get this far.  i take some solace in the fact that they exceeded *everyone's* expectations.
   
   
2. the Habs beat the top seeded team and wiped that smug look off of Ovechkin's face.
   
   
3. the Habs beat last year's Stanley Cup winners and Sidney Crosby
   for the record, yes, i love Sid the Kid for being the best he could be when it truly mattered at the 2010 Winter Olympics, but that doesn't mean i would *ever* want to see him beat my Habs
   
   
4. the Habs came back after being down 3 games, not once, but TWICE... and are the first #8 seed team to ever do that in NHL history.  there was a lot of history made during these playoffs... a lot of history being made by Habs.
   
   
5. who could forget... Mike Cammalleri scored a post-season NHL high of THIRTEEN goals!!
   
   
   
   
6. and most important... Jaroslav Halak was more than a superstar - more than a hero - he was every Hab fan's dream come true
   except for that first goal during last night's game.  i don't know what the hell he was thinking, but nevermind, not gonna dwell on it
   
   
   

so with all these great achievements, how could i not console myself?  my team did AWESOME!  sure, losing this close sucked, but they accomplished so much even when no one else believed in them.  no one.  sadly i must admit... not even me. 

it's just... i can't feel good about this right now... because i know that Game 4 and yesterday were not their top game.  something was missing.  maybe it was battle fatigue.  i don't know.  i know that no matter how bad i feel about them losing right now, i certainly don't feel worse than they do.  but if it's any consolation... i do love them all the more for all the heart and soul they brought to the game these 3 rounds.  i choose to remember Game 3 over games 4 & 5 because *THAT* is what my Habs team looks like.  that's their A game.  and maybe they just had 2 bad days, but i *know* they ARE the better team.  i know it.

another positive thing coming out of these playoffs is i've now found a new player.  for years, i had one hockey player and one goalie.  anyone who's ever known me in any significant capacity KNOWS that my goalie was the best goaltender in NHL history - Patrick Roy.  so when he retired, i was without a goalie.  a few years later, the Habs drafted Carey Price.  after watching his stellar rookie year performance (okay, except for the playoffs that year), he won that coveted spot in my heart as *my* goalie.  that means i'll cheer for him no matter what team he's on until he retires.  i know he semi-crashed and burned last year, and this year wasn't a stellar year for him either, but everyone has bad runs here and there.  i know he's a GREAT goalie.  he has it in him, and one day (hopefully very soon), his goalie greatness will shine once more.  lucky for the Habs, they don't just have one great goalie.  they have 2.  Jaro has been absolutely PHENOMENAL throughout these playoffs (despite a few bad games here and there).  i never thought i'd ever have 2 goalies, but i think i do now (especially since i bought a Halak shirt and not a Price shirt while i was in Montreal this past week).

ever since the Salt Lake City Olympic games, the spot in my heart reserved for my hockey player was occupied by none other than the great Joe Sakic.  i don't want to get into the long list of reasons as to why he's my player, but he was MY player.  so yes, i was pretty sad when he retired last year.  i mean, sure, i understood that it was time for him to retire, but gawd, i loved watching him play. *sigh*  so all year i didn't have a player.  until now. 

MIKE CAMMALLERI!!!  all 13 goals were just beautiful (okay, maybe they weren't *all* beautiful, but MOST of them were).  i cannot be happier in exclaiming that he's my new player.  i LOVE Mike Cammalleri (not like that you silly people... just as a great hockey player).  he's a great addition to the Habs, and the next 4 years of his contract are going to be fantastic for the team.

and you know what else is crazy?  i recently saw Mike Cammalleri's spot when he was on MTV's Cribs (back when he played for the LA Kings)... and you know who *his* favourite player is?  Joe Sakic!!!  *sigh*  great minds, i tell you... great minds.

so... back to the title of this post.

the main reason why it's great to be a Habs fan is because of fan solidarity.  one ugly beast that reared its head during this playoff season is Canada's typical tall poppy syndrome.  people seriously need to get over it.  these are the same people who hate Céline Dion, Bryan Adams, James Cameron and Nickelback (okay, i admit i hate Nickelback, but not because they're tall poppies... just that they stopped making new songs. when the new album no longer sounds like the old album *and* is good, then i'll stop hating them).  half the non-Hab-fan constituency cheered for the Habs because they were the only Canadian team left in the playoffs and Canada hasn't brought home the cup since 1993 (in case you didn't know, the Habs brought it home that year).  the other half was the "anyone but the Habs" group.  and most of those people are Leaf fans.

to the "anyone but the Habs" following:  Habs losing or winning does not help the cause for your team (unless of course they're playing against your team... in which case, nevermind).  for everyone who says that they hate the Habs because the fans sing Olé, well... if you can get your team's fans to all chant/sing the same thing, you're more than welcome to be as "annoying" as we are.  personally, i LOVE that we have a song... and in case you didn't notice, we sang it at the Olympics for Team Canada too.  didn't seem to bother you there.

i don't care if people don't love the Habs.  i don't care if they HATE the Habs.  everyone's entitled to their own opinion.  but aside from maybe a little satisfaction that i'd feel if Chicago beats the snot out of the Flyers, for me, because the Habs are out, hockey season is over. 

i mean, let's be honest... i hate the Leafs.  not because they're Toronto's team or because they're Hab rivals.  but because they're a sucky club that just whines and bitches about how life isn't fair.  they beat Montreal many times over the past season, but look who was in the playoffs... making it to Round 2 against all odds, no less.  yup.. not the Leafs.  however, even *that* is not the reason i hate the Leafs.  i hate the Leafs because of their fans.  if you are a die-hard unabashed Leaf fan who's not afraid to stand up and yell it at the top of your lungs, then i am VERY proud of you.  but you are DEFINITELY the minority.  most Leaf fans hide in their closets, unwilling to admit to anyone that they passionately love a team that hasn't won the Stanley Cup in over 40 years.  say what you will about the Habs, but other than the 2000-2009 block, we've lifted the cup at least once *every* single decade since this entire Stanley Cup business started (which is why we'll need to win at least 2 Stanley Cups in the 2010-2019 period. no pressure, boys).  these closet Leaf fans come out of the woodwork when the Leafs are doing well.  remember about 6 years ago when somehow the boys in blue found themselves in the playoffs?  see how many people proudly wore their blue-and-whites?  WHERE ARE YOU NOW?!! 

oops... sorry... my side rant made me digress from my main rant.   so yeah... no matter how much i hate the Leafs, if they were the only Canadian team left in the playoffs, i'd want them to win.  i wouldn't want it enough to actually watch the games, but i'd feel a little bubble of joy if they brought the cup home.  and the fact that the underdog won out would probably help with that feeling.  don't try to kid yourself... EVERYONE knows that if the Leafs were in the playoffs, they'd be the underdogs.

Hab fans are NOT like Leaf fans!  when our team sucks, we don't hate on them.  we don't tell people that we're not Hab fans (though some Hab fans are not as respectable as the rest of us because they'll go and slam individual Hab players... which IS NOT COOL!  so if you're one of those people, stop doing it!  you can't play better than Price, so STFU!  oh yeah... and the hoodlums who cause riots in Montreal under the "pretense" of being a Habs fan... you posers give us a bad name.... quit breaking and stealing stuff!).  we don't "claim" Sidney Crosby's team, or Eric Lindros' team.  we are Hab fans even when the team sucks.  i'm not saying we don't get mad, or don't complain about the team.  we do.  but we also (more importantly) stop going to the games and DEMAND that the management fix our team.  we don't stop being Hab fans or pretend that we don't love the Habs.  maybe Leaf fans have an inferiority complex or something, but i'd respect the Leafs more if the majority of their fan base wasn't made up fairweather idiots.

so for everyone out there taking pleasure in last night's game because you were rooting for "anyone but the Habs", enjoy your hateful little moment, because nothing changes the fact that Montreal will get back into the groove.  we hold the most Stanley Cup championships in the league, remember?  so it might be next year... or in 5 years or even 10 years.  whatever... my Habs will get it all sorted out and back on track.  because that's how we roll!

the Hab's hockey club will always have the best fans because we love our team.  and even when we can't admit it to ourselves, we DO believe in our team.  this post season performance has reminded us of why we should believe in our beloved Habs. 

regardless of whether or not your team wins, our team is still better because we UNASHAMEDLY love them.  we have team spirit.  we believe.  and we have 100 years of heritage and 24 Stanley Cup championships to prove it.

GO HABS GO!!