cokeaddict's Xanga

it's been a while since i've done a quiz

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:41:03 GMT

so this is probably long over due.

You Are Bright and Intuitive

You can take in a lot of information at once. You're excellent at remembering details, and you are able to see how each piece of the puzzle fits together.
Beyond understanding what's in front if you, you're also good at seeing what's missing.

Your energy level is fairly high and consistent. You are good at being able to get yourself going.
Your signature latte would be a skinny latte. Even if you aren't on a diet, you don't really like your food to weigh you down.

The Latte Art Test

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

the funny thing is it's bafflingly accurate. i know these are just for fun, but sometimes, it's kinda scary.

long live the extra crispy skinny latte (extra hot, non-fat)!!

T-4

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:29:35 GMT

i'm counting down. i'm so excited about it. it's been *so* long since i've been on holiday.... i *seriously* need it. i'm the kind of person who needs to fully decompress every so often. usually, if i do it once a year, it's enough. i can handle all the bullshit of life as long as i get to take 3 weeks off to forget about all the things that make my life suck (and most of you will know, that it's my lieu de travail that makes my life suck). sadly, economic downturn means that this decompression session will only run a fortnight in length, but it's better than nothing... because i'm not going to Vancouver, or Seattle (which is where i went last year... and only for about 10 days)...

i'm going to DUBAI!!

source: http://blog.lib.umn.edu/pairo002/architecture/dubai.jpg

okay... so there's gonna be a couple days in Abu Dhabi and a week of camping in Oman, but the focal point of the trip is Dubai (though... with me spending more time camping in Oman than actually staying in Dubai, maybe i should change that statement.... ).

it's terribly sad that circumstance (deadbeat boyfriend [now ex-boyfriend], economic meltdown, puppy medical expenses) has forced me to limit the duration of my holiday and essentially eliminate all other short holidays during the year... but i'm not gonna whine and moan about that. dems da breaks. i'm still much better off than many other people because i wasn't directly afflicted by the diesase of sub-prime and credit crunch. i'm just suffering from the fall-out (okay... so the deadbeat was a direct affliction that was easily as bad [or worse] than the sub-prime and credit crunch problems, but i've got it under control).

source: http://misc.mortgagebrokers.ie/images/blogimages/2008/march/understanding_the_sub_prime_crisis_2007_to_2008(1).jpg

let's just say the last two years have been kinda rough... so i *really* need this. and it's almost impossible to believe but there's only four days left until lift off!! YAY!!

but... i still have to...

source: http://www.getzcope.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/to-do-list.jpg

Buy travel insurance... seriously... this is a *BIG* one

source: http://www.black-collegian.com/career/images/im-insurance-grad05.jpg
Take my dog to get her rabies shot: she's not coming on holiday with me, but i only *just* found out that she's over due for her booster. Oops.

source: http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39986000/jpg/_39986119_needle203.jpg
Take my dog to the groomer: yeah... i want her to be clean while i'm gone

source: http://www.namedevelopment.com/blog/archives/PetSmart_Logo.jpg
Pack: i don't usually need a lot of time to pack, but i don't usually go camping in a foreign country either, so this will be interesting. oh yeah... and even though UAE is very westernized, it's still a Muslim country.... so gotta pack stuff that's socially acceptable to wear. Not that my wardrobe is littered with skank wear (cuz i ain't no skank ), but my room is a disaster right now... so I gotta *find* stuff.

source: http://i.ehow.com/images/GlobalPhoto/Articles/4697237/suitcase-main_Full.jpg
Clean: i really shouldn't leave for 2 weeks with my room looking the way it does right now.

source: http://www.artofthestate.co.uk/photos/banksy_clean_streets.jpg

those are just the big ones. i also have a truckload of little things to do... so even if it get these big ones done, i might die from the thousand cuts of the little ones.

but nevermind all of that.... only 4 MORE DAYS!!!

source: http://www.blogcdn.com/playstation.joystiq.com/media/2009/01/cntdwncc2.jpg

not limited to the bar

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:22:50 GMT

sometimes, i can be so silly and naive. here i thought guys are only stupid when they're at the bar. and i don't mean stupid in all facets of life. i just mean stupid in the department of girls. i really thought the only time guys said exceptionally stupid things was when they're half in the bag (or all in, in some cases) at the bar with their guy friends (who are equally inebriated) cheering them on.

but i was wrong.

even when they're alone and text messaging, they can achieve that level of stupidity.

there's this police officer that i met last year. and i use the term "met" loosely. we were introduced through the wonderful world wide web. so there were some pictures exchanged and some conversation through IM, sms, and a couple of phone calls. but that's it. all of this fizzled out after about a month. i lost interest and assumed that lack of msgs from him meant he also lost interest. no harm no foul.

every 2-3 months though, i get a random sms from him with something benign like, "hey, how's it going?" i usually ignore them since i have no burning desire to talk to him. but it's pretty regular -- every 2-3 months. so a few week ago, when i got another one of these random messages, i decided to reply... just to amuse myself. for the sake of this blog, i'll refer to him as TF, Toronto's Finest.

TF: How are you doing?
Me: I'm doing okay. Though must admit I'm curious as to why you send me these random txt msgs every few months.
TF: Well I don't know. I always like to stay in contact. How goes the job search? And dating life.
Me: I think you must have me mistaken for someone else then. I wasn't looking for a job.
TF: I may have mistaken a detail but I remember who you are.
my thought -- yeah right
cut out random chit chat that is neither interesting nor funny
TF: So wanna make out in my car again?
Me: Again? You *do* have me mistaken for someone else.
TF: I don't think so, or at least I hope not. Or not.
Me: Well, we'd have to have made out a first time before we could do it again. And as far as I remember, we haven't even met in person.
TF: Well we will have to solve that.
Me: We'll see.
TF: You seem hesitant. About the idea?
Me: You just haven't convinced me. Besides... I'm not the booty call type.
TF: I never said you were a booty call type. You are too smart for that.
Me: Or at least I sound smart.
TF: Ha ha you are smart, you are too pretty not to be smart.
Me: You don't remember who I am and you're calling me pretty? And when did pretty = smart?
TF: Well you must be smart cause you remembered a lot about me. You are not pretty?
my thought -- i didn't know that having a good memory was a qualifier for intelligence (or "smartness"). and i'm glad to see that our finest police officers have such a stellar memory.
Me: I didn't say that I'm not pretty. Just that pretty doesn't make someone smart.
cut out random chit chat that is neither interesting nor funny
TF: So what are you doing tonight?
Me: I'm gonna make dinner now and then go out with some friends. Movie.
TF: Ohhh movie what one?
Me: Foreign flick. Coco Avant Chanel.

source: http://slsvggfashion.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/coco_avant_chanel.jpg
TF: Sounds like and interesting film. I assume it's about fashion.
Me: Not really about fashion. It's about her life and how she came to build her iconic fashion house.
TF: Sounds riveting. I will pass thanks for the invite though.
Me: That's pretty much the reaction I expected. Though I don't quite remember inviting you.
TF: Ohhh snap she didn't ha ha! I guess the girls will have some wine and then home for a pillow fight.
my thought -- what adult says "oh snap"?! pillow fight? what does he think this is? Girls Gone Wild!?
Me: Uh... sure. If that thought helps you sleep at night... let's say that then.
TF: Ha ha it doesn't help me sleep. A hot night of making out or a soak in the condo's hot tub does.
my thought -- okay... i'm done with this now.
Me: Well I can't help you with that tonight. I guess you'll just have to ask some other girl you don't really remember.

i did get another sms the next morning asking how the movie was, but that's neither here nor there. who needs reality television, when i've got *this* for entertainment? <*shakes head.*> i need a different hobby.

when the skanks and the punk-kids have a throwdown

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 18:06:36 GMT

i was on the subway the other night after having some after-work drinks with my friends. it wasn't that late... only around 10pm. i got on the Bloor-Danforth line and headed east.

at Yonge Station, two really skanky girls got on. they were skanky but not like cheap-whore type skank. it was more like, upscale-ish call-girl skank. anyways... we had not gone very far, maybe two stations, when a bunch of ignorant punk kids at the other end of the subway car started getting a bit rowdy. they kept yelling out loud single dirty words. "Clitoris!" "Penis!" "Pussy!" it was really weird... annoying, but, whatever. i'm not gonna cause a stink over that. if i'm going to get into it with a bunch of punk kids it'd have to be something serious... like if they were picking on a child or something.

out of no where, one of the skanks - the white girl - got up and said, "Will you just shut the fuck up? There are moms and children on this car and you're just making everyone uncomfortable!" then all hell broke loose. she kept shouting at them. they kept shouting back. i know the skank was right to say what she said, but the approach she took sure wasn't helping. this went on through several train stations. it would escalate a bit and then die down a bit, but it never really stopped. finally, the stop before mine, it got so heated, that one of the punk kids pulled out a blade and started brandishing it. and of course, they were standing right in front of me.

i wasn't scared (i guess i don't scare easily) but i kept thinking, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE!? seriously. why are these teenaged kids so immaturely enamoured with those words and since when did the skanks start caring so much about etiquette? i kinda wished the skank would stop challenging them with "go ahead! touch me motherfucker! i'll press charges on your ass." it was weird. and even weirder was the other skank kept holding her back and telling her to calm down. anyways... when i got off at my stop, it was in one of the troughs of aggression and both parties were back in their respective corners. i hope no one got knifed that night... but seriously... WHAT THE FUCK!?

for just one day

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 11:24:15 GMT

i think i will have the freedom to breathe.

i'm presently sitting in my old office on the 7th floor.... it's a floor so far below where my current office is located, i have to use a different elevator bank. i HATE my current office. there's no natural lighting on the floor. it's too quiet. not the kind of quiet that's good for working (like here in my old office), but the kind without any white noise that drives people INSANE! my wonderful old office on the 7th is a corner office with a FANTABULOUS window view. only working for my boss in this hell hole would a promotion result in you getting a crappier office. his reasons for thinking that my new office is better than my old office are not what *i* view as good reasons. in my opinion, the only thing good about being up there is the free coffee.

anyways... it won't last. the only reason i'm down here is because IT has to work on my computer. they can't seem to get Visio 2007 installed. don't ask. long story.

i'm still working on that blog that describes the hell i've been through in the last month, but i'm going to take advantage of being in my (wonderful) old office to actually do some work.

i never *ever* thought i'd say this, but Happy Monday, everybody!

a new happiness Bubble

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 19:09:22 GMT

i don't know how many people remember, but i am a *huge* Michael Bublé fan. it's not personal... i'm not love-crazed and obsessed. i just love the sound of his voice.

source: http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B002KDUDG6.jpg

the new album is coming out on the 10th (or the 9th... i don't know). and there's apparently this HUGE promo thing that Warner Bros. & HMV are doing at the Eaton Centre. the prospect of lining up with a bunch of insane fanes at the crack of dawn (or whenever the EC doors open) doesn't appeal to me. there's also some contest that radio station CHFI is putting on. but joining their loyalty club to collect enough points to enter the draw is *way* too much work for me. i mean, if i was *already* a member and had been collecting points, sure, i'd unload all my points to enter as many ballots as possible into the draw, but yeah... no... not starting now. it's too much effort that i believe will go for naught. besides... i'm horribly unlucky when it comes to draws. which is the same reason why it doesn't matter that Michael's exclusive fan club (Bungalow-B, of which i am NOT a member) is having a contest too.

so... what's a girl to do? i rely on avenues less pursued.

as i predicted, being in Toronto for a few days to promote the album means it's HIGHLY unlikely that he'll pass up a stop at the CBC studios for an interview with Georgie Porgie Strombouloupolousie (aka George Strombouloupolous).

not be on The Hour?! unthinkable! so what did i do? i got tickets for the taping the SECOND the interview schedule was released. it'll mean taking at least the afternoon off (though i might take the whole day) but it'll be way more enjoyable that waiting in line at the Eaton Centre.

the only drawback is that since the album comes out *after* the interview, i obviously won't get an autographed copy of Crazy Love. oh well... doesn't matter... i'll have my camera so there are always pictures to be taken.

gawd, it's good to live in Toronto!

holiday-less blahs

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 18:08:49 GMT

if you live in Canada, you know the February blues. that's the state you're in after a brutally cold November, December, and January -- when you're in the final stretches of winter. vitamin D deficient, constantly semi-frozen, and almost completely unfamiliar with fresh fruits and vegetables, you walk around like the living dead.

source: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3102/2846368096_d762726060.jpg?v=0

it's only September and i feel like that now. i'm calling it the holiday-less blahs.

every year, i take one big holiday. it's something i've been doing since i graduated from university. but last year, i didn't take a big holiday. i took a week and a half last October to visit a friend in Seattle and a friend in Vancouver.

source: http://www.northernvirginiamag.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/seattle_skyline2.jpg

but as fun as that was, it's not (in my book) a holiday. for me, at the very minimum, a holiday involves leaving the continent OR going for more than two weeks -- ideally, three. it's already September, and i have not taken a single holiday all year. i am literally going stir-crazy.

work. it's hard to feel driven at work. having not taken any breaks, i've been facing the same day to day grind, non-stop.

Any idiot can face a crisis. It is this day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov

i know i shouldn't complain when so many people have lost their jobs. and more particularly, i shouldn't complain because many people have to work incredibly hard for very low pay and don't get paid vacation. so it's not that i'm unaware of my good fortune (i am aware, and i greatly appreciate it), but i'm just friggin' tired. i get restless and have trouble focusing if i don't walk away and take a break. i feel trapped.

source: http://www.elfwood.com/art/c/a/carrosimson/trapped.jpg

i don't really hate my job as much as i say i do (though there are some days...), but when i'm like this, it sure is hard to feel engaged. i probably shouldn't fill in the employee engagement survey (at least not on days like today) but i'll have to do it before i go to Dubai. the survey closes in three weeks, and i'm not going to Dubai until November.

i haven't looked forward to a holiday this much in a long time. i can't wait! if i could.. i'd jump on a plane right now and go. i'd start counting down, but counting down for two months is more likely to depress me. i'll start counting when November hits.

source: http://www.c3images.com/iphone/countdown/images/importCountdown.jpg

i guess i should go prep for that Annual Information Form meeting...

you - the whiner

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 18:26:27 GMT

disclaimer: this is not a sad, emo "you" posting. as hard as it is to believe, there have been times where it has been INCREDIBLY difficult for me to tell someone off (i know... who'd believe that). it's true. i don't always want to be the one to dole out the self-esteem crushing truth. so... when i should've told the whiner what i have blogged below, i instead told him, "i don't date Asian."

i'm a complainer. i'll readily admit that i prefer to complain about things than to give praise. it's not because i'm a negative person (i *am* a negative person... but that's not *why* i complain)... it's because i grew up with a dysfunctional father who does not give praise... ever (no really... that's why).

but... knowing this little fact about myself means i try not to complain about everything. i know. it's a work in progress.

however... i pride myself on not being a whiner. i don't whine about things just because i don't get my way. i also don't whine about other people disagreeing with me. but you... you don't complain. you whine.

i'm sick of hearing you whine about how the Asian girls don't like you. they only date white guys. i'm too short. she's superficial. she doesn't know how good i am for her. she's being racist against her own kind. why won't you give me a chance?

you know what? being Asian doesn't automatically mean that i have to like you. Asian girls might say to you that they only likes white guys, but that doesn't mean their lack of interest in you is *because* you're Asian. SHE JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!! i'm pretty sure that even with white skin, being the whiney bitch that you are right now means she *still* wouldn't like you.

i have yet to meet a single Asian girl who's absolutely dead set against an Asian guy. everyone's got preferences. but if Mr. Almost Perfect came along, and the only thing "wrong" with him was that he was Asian, i doubt that any Asian girl with any sense at all would drop him. if she says she doesn't like you because she only goes for white guys (now brace yourself for this big newsflash)...

It's just an excuse!!!

that is her way of letting you down easy so that you don't think that there's anything wrong with you. no one wants to be the one to tell you that you've got BO, you're uncultured, and your passion for anime and karaoke is annoying. she'll tell you that you're a really sweet guy, and any girl would be lucky to date you, but she just doesn't date Asian. IT'S A LINE!

quit your whining and grow up. if you took the time to improve yourself, become a little more cultured, be more spontaneous and FUN... then *maybe* someone will consider dating you.

some clarification about "you"

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:57:31 GMT

the last two postings (you and you - part 2) are not fiction or conjurings of an overactive mind. they're true. and i am the voice behind the story. however, they're not necessarily issues i'm having right this very second. and the postings to come in the series are also very personal and true.

but "you" is not always the same person. and the timeframe is not always now. i don't want to diminish their meaning by saying that they don't matter (because they *do* matter), but i'm not necessarily talking "to" someone who is presently involved in my life (mostly because there is no one right now... kinda hard to talk about an imaginary boyfriend / crush). the emotional wounds are not necessarily fresh ones.

i don't perform well in emotional situations. when my feelings are involved, bad things happen. i say less than i should.... i appear aloof despite being very passionate. i just have great difficulty expressing myself when it's personal. but after years of containing it - repressing it - and knowing that for years to come i'll likely continue to do so, i decided that i needed a way to let it out. to vent it before i drove myself mad.

i want to say that if the opportunity presented itself a second time, i'd do things differently - i'd tell him what i really felt. but i know that's a lie. i'd very likely just suppress it and say nothing. anyone who knows me personally wouldn't even think for one second that i would ever *actually* bear my soul at the risk of being rejected. i'd sooner stab myself in the eye with a spoon than say to a crush "i like you."

the series of "you" postings covers the things i always thought but never said. i'm saying them now... to release the words into the world, to go where ever the Internet takes them. maybe it'll help someone else who is in that situation. maybe it won't. but i'm giving my words their freedom. that's all.

so thank you, to those who expressed concern. i have not lost my marbles and i'm not an emotional, depressed, pile of mush, blowing my nose in huge wads of kleenex and stuffing my face with comforting chocolate. i'm fine. serious.

you - part 2

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 15:21:25 GMT

a continuation from my previous post: you.

i had not thought about you in a while, at least not like that. which is good. because that means my faintest of all hopes is starting to wane and soon i'll be able to think of you with ease as a common acquaintance.

but then, this morning happened.

i was at the hospital. not because i was sick. not because anyone i knew was sick. i was there because one of the food establishments was giving away free breakfast. at the counter, as i was waiting for my food, i saw a gentleman's wallet. i asked the people next to me if it belonged to one of them. no. i asked the server and she gestured to a man sitting at a table with his wife and their little girl. i approached and said, "Excuse me, sir. Is this your wallet?"

he turned around. he looked exactly like you. the only difference is he wasn't wearing glasses.

i was completely floored.

the look on his face was a mixture of complete gratitude, and shock at this incredibly lucky turn of events (not at having met me... i'm not *that* egotistically.... he got his wallet back). i don't even remember if i responded to his entreaties of thanks. the warm smile. the soothing voice. i wasn't looking at him. i looking at you.

well that bloody sucks. now i'll probably be messed up for weeks. *sigH*

i quickly left the hospital, and as i walked towards my office, i saw the small family through the window. i don't know how, but i saw you, i saw me, and i saw our daughter.

i must be losing my mind.