Monday, 15 June 2009

• do i miss her?

  sometimes people ask the stupidest questions.

  someone had asked me about Elfie (for those who don't follow my blog, Elfie's the dog i adopted in March).  so i told them how she was doing.  i hadn't even said much (and i don't know this person super well) before this person blurted out, "so i guess she's a pretty good replacement for Shadow.  you don't miss her anymore do you?"

  picture the biggest ball of rage imaginable.

  
  source:  http://static.desktopnexus.com/wallpapers/23366-bigthumbnail.jpg
  

  yeah... that's me.

  let's get something right clear here.

  
  Aug 28, 1994 - May 12, 2008

  I WILL ALWAYS MISS SHADOW.

  you know why?  because she was my best friend in the whole world.  she was my little lion dog.  i took care of her and taught her everything she knew.  thirteen and a half years, she was everything i lived for.  since the day i first discovered dogs, i was *desperate* for a puppy... it took 16 years, but all that waiting finally paid off and i was blessed with the world's best dog.

  it's not to say that i don't love Elfie.  i do love Elfie... BUT SHE'S NOT A REPLACEMENT!!

  
  Elfie hiding under the registration table at the Purina Walk for Dog Guides
  source:  http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2423/3619538106_2bd4b47cf4_m.jpg"

  the main reason i spend so much time with Elfie is because of how much i miss Shadow.  it's not that i project Shadow onto Elfie, but rather, i am more aware of how much time i lost with Shadow because i was focused on other things.  i should've spent more time with her because i always knew that i would run out of tomorrows with her a lot faster than i would with a human being.  on the drive to the hospital last May, i kept begging her not to die.  i kept telling her that it wasn't time yet.  i even reminded her that we had a deal... she wasn't supposed to leave me behind.  and this was before the doctors had even told me what was wrong.  somehow, when i lifted her up into the car (all 85 lbs of her) i knew in my heart that this was probably it, even though in my head, i kept telling myself otherwise.  it's just over a year now.  May 12 truly was a sucky day, but i let it go by without too much fanfare or noise and just remembered the good times quietly in my own solitude... because that's just the way Shadow was -- don't make a fuss, just gimmie some food. 

  
  Olympic Shadow 

  Elfie started out with a lot of problems when i got her in March (recall:  displeased, ophthalmology update, That’s a lot of friggin’ drama, the Elfie update).  i've had to spend a lot of time, energy, and money on her.  but she's coming around now... she's great with me and getting better with my family.  i say give it another few months and she'll be stellar.

  but with all those details, i digress from the main point of this post.

  i don't stop missing Shadow just because i have Elfie.  that's just stupid.  and anyone with two brain cells to rub together should know better than to ask such an asinine, stupid question.

  
  source:  http://markmincolla.com/brain%20cell.jpg
  

  Elfie is great, but she's not Shadow.  i don't love her less than i love Shadow, but it's not the same thing either.  people who don't understand this, don't know what it's like to love.

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