April 29, 2013

  • Cuz shrimp scampi is how he gets all the ladies

    I will admit, I don’t hit the bar scene much anymore. It’s more because I can’t be bothered, and less about the “I feel old” shtick. And maybe it’s a bit of Mark Twain-ism.


    Source:  http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4hf2lz2G11rqlaz3o1_500.jpg

    But while I was in NYC, I did head out to Third and Long to watch the Rangers vs Habs game.

     


    Source: http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_assets/876452/wpid-montreal-canadiens-vs-new-york-rangers.jpg

    When I arrive at the bar, my friend, PS, was already there.  He bought me a beer and we started chatting.  After a few minutes, I noticed that the guys behind him kept checking me out. But it’s a bar, it’s dark, and the female to male ratio was pretty dismal, so I didn’t think anything of it.

    After a minute or two however, there was no avoiding it. One of them interrupted our conversation and asked if we were together. PS very quickly dismissed such insanity. And the following conversation ensued.

    Dude: I want to test out a pick-up line, if that’s ok.

    Me: Ok.

    Dude: This is the situation. I’d go up to a guy and a girl in a bar and ask, “Are you going to fuck him tonight? Cuz if not, how about me?” What do you think? Will it work?

    Me: *deadpan* Well, it really depends on the girl. If you’re just looking for some action, that might work. If you’re looking for a girl you can take home to Mom, then probably not.

    Dude: *slow nod* You know what, that’s a pretty good qualifier. I like that. So how about if I said, “Want to go for shrimp scampi?”

    Me: You mean, specifically shrimp scampi?

    Dude: *intent staring* Yes.


    Source: http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/dpi/lowres/dpin17l.jpg

    Me: *uneasy* Uhm…I guess if she’s not allergic then it might work.

    Shrimp scampi!? Seriously? Is that supposed to be a euphemism for something? I looked it up in Urban Dictionary, but I don’t think he meant this:

    shrimp scampi, noun.
    overly bronzed female whore bag with blonde hair that is at least 12 shades of blonde. usually gorges herself on shrimp scampi covered in caesar dressing and white wine before passing out on couch. has herpes and open ended prescription for valtrex.

    Example: look at that shrimp scampi over there. she's dressed like she wants to get fucked in the alley.

    Source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shrimp+scampi

     

    At this point, PS ushered me away and we found a good spot to watch the game. To be honest, I have no idea if that guy was genuinely soliciting an opinion, hitting on me, or just being “funny”.

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